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on 2010-03-01 @ 11:58 a.m.

God has tested me like no other by giving me Betty... not sure whether to laugh or cry after our conversation last night which was the most honest we've ever had. It hurts me to think she felt things I didn't feel at all... I asked Do I deserve any of this? I try hard to pursue our friendship, I try hard to include her in everything, I made her the center of a lot of my decisions, but I felt like some cockroach that needed to be exterminated. But I'm so glad all this has made her realize many things about herself... a lot of growth... and maybe living apart will be good for us. It's hard to not think of all the good times we had in the past... laughing with the blood rushing to my face, body curved into a ball, shaking, rolling, springing up, getting scared, her head between my towels as she parted them like the Red Sea...

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