on 2011-10-05 @ 11:05 a.m.
I haven't written anything lately probably because I haven't been feeling any extreme angst. Which is weird because I'm in a completely new place without any of my close friends. In a lot of ways I feel like the terrible crap that happened to me when I was younger has hardened me to anything especially difficult life throws in my way. I still get into an emotional mess, but it's never something that lasts. It's also harder to write these days. My words are dry and reflects so little of everything that's running around in my head. But I'm going to make a habit of this. Even if it means years of crap I never want to re-read. I want to document and to remember.
This place is beautiful. Mountains and water, life, people, sunshine, fog, dogs, parks, color, gray, bikes, fresh fruits, walking, music. It's the perfect place for young people to congregate and celebrate. But I would still choose to live in a cave with good friends. But I think this is a test. Being lonely is okay, and it's a natural part of life. You can't surround yourself with friends all the time. Is this suppose to make me rely on God? I don't think I've been doing that lately.
There is so much I want to do and to experience. I wish I had a money tree, and I could just do whatever my little heart feels like. I wish I wasn't bound by the need for food or shelter or clothing. The world is so miraculous, and if I were to die tomorrow that would just break my heart.
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